Hello again!
We have been talking recently about the importance of language choice when writing. The vocabulary and register (the level of formality) we use creates a certain diction. The tone helps create certain emotional or other effects for the reader. The style adds to the tone and usually indicates what the writer's goal is. Figurative language (which we use all the time, even if we don't think about it or realize it!) also adds layers of complexity, but such expressions can endanger a piece's overall effect, as we saw in class, if they are used inappropriately in their context. We could go on and on about types of language choices one must make when writing. Each word counts. Each word affects the reader. Each word must aim for writing's ultimate objective: communication.
I'd like you to think about your own language choices in previous writing that you have done. Consider a piece of writing you have produced prior to now, last semester in a writing seminar or perhaps in high school. If need be, you may use an example from the essays you have written so far in our class. What are two examples of language choice from your own writing which make you particularly proud? Why did you choice the vocabulary, expression, figurative language, etc. and what effect did you hope to create? Explain your language choice in the two contexts you select.
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I greatly prefer writing analytical style pieces instead of creative ones – a fact clearly reflected in my course choices over the years. I am mostly interested in government and foreign affairs, subjects that are typically associated with analytical thinking and writing. Consequently, my skills in these areas have been developed to a much higher standard than my abilities in creative writing, which are weak.
During my time at Cornell, I have written a few pieces of analytical writing that I am proud of. One of these is my final paper for the Introduction to International Relations course I took, the other being my research paper from my previous writing seminar, The United States and Latin America Since 1945. Examples of my writing found in these papers are:
“Given its role as the dominant player in world politics, America’s preference of the status quo is understandable. China, however, will no doubt enjoy what is projected to occur in the future, for it will likely become a superpower. Transitioning from today’s world of unipolarity to one of dual superpowers will not be easy, although through the use of cooperation and diplomacy, this result can hopefully be achieved without conflict.” and, “Guevara also did not foresee the extent to which the United States would become involved in the conflict, and was left unprepared when the US decided to devote substantial assistance to the Bolivian military. The fact that his small rebel force so quickly had to bear arms against a superpower’s might did not favor Guevara. Had he better predicted and prepared for the US response, it is very probable that his movement would have had a much greater chance of succeeding.”
In both of these examples, I feel that the language is simple and easy to understand, yet expresses all my ideas in the ways I wish them to be. I very much want my writing to look deliberate – for every word to have a definite and important role. I try not to use overly colorful or descriptive language, and strive to back my arguments with facts, promoting an academic (hopefully not dry) tone. I believe this style is reflected in the above examples. In both cases, my language choice reflects my interest in analytical writing with a serious feel, as well as my hopes to produce pieces of work that are both interesting and thoughtful.
Writing is an art that has many complexities. Personally I love to do creative writing and write poetry. Here I can incorporate my feelings and emotions in manner that there is no right or wrong. I start with apples and end with oranges. In each of these writing assignments I realize that there is choice in regards to the words you choose to use in each of your writing assignments. Sometimes the challenge comes in being creative and knowing how to write in a vivid and descriptive manner. Sometimes the language I use is vague and at other times in cliché. It all started when my English teacher in high school gave me some tips and points about writing. Her name was Ms. Valentino; she expanded my vernacular and helped me become more of well- rounded writer. With all this being said, I have written many pieces that I am particularly proud of.
Example 1: The following is an excerpt from my personal statement for all my colleges:
“Who was the lucky one who survived the fatal accident? His name was Ambition. He was always prepared for this event. He wore a seatbelt of desire, tenacity, and perseverance. He filled his airbag with a drive to succeed and an iron will to get to the top before they ever began the journey. He was never satisfied with what life and his environment offered him. He always wanted more. …He would tell me that I could redirect the course of life, not only for myself, but also for everyone who came after me. He said that freedom from mental and societal bonds was not only an option, but a necessity.”
- This piece of writing literally took me two months to finish. I started off brainstorming and eventually ended up with my final piece. One of the biggest challenges I had was making it one page and at the same time conveying my powerful message. This piece was written metaphorically, so that the reader could feel the impact of my essay even more. I described my feelings as a fatal car accident, with the survivor being Ambition. I wanted my reading to make a connection and have to think about the connection I was trying to convey. The words I chose were precise and to the point. I did not want to burden my reader with long and difficult words, thus I was trying to be simplistic. The tone I was looking for was inspiring and informal. In this writing assignment, I was trying to tell my story as a Latino in my family. Using the metaphors helped me to engage my reader. The adjectives I used in this assignment summed up who I was and what I was trying to do.
Example 2: Excerpt from a published poem entitled ?ME!
“ I was born in May.
It was a moment of triumph, like when Ali changed from Cassius Clay.
I came to conquer, always staying ahead
And not being afraid to use my head.
Life is full of choices and decisions
So now I have a vision and I am determined with deep precision.”
- This poem was written during my senior year in high school. I was a part of the poetry club and this was one of the free write poems that I did. I entered it in a contest and it was selected to be in an Anthology of Young Poets. Once again when I wrote this, I wanted to be simplistic and to the point. I wanted to connect my goals and ideals with who I was. The language I chose was short and concise. There are instances in this piece where I use metaphors. These metaphors make you think and relate one idea to another. I also chose words that rhymed at the end of every sentence. The effect I was creating was one that encourages my readers, but also shows a feeling of humbleness and truth. This poem is who I am as a person, I wrote this piece not trying to be intellectual, but rather to be REAL.
Before my senior year of high school I believed that I was incapable of being creative; I can neither draw, dance, nor write poetry and my attempts at creating descriptive language always appeared cliché. When a creative writer came into my English class for a six week tutoring session on creative writing I found myself producing unique pieces. First we, the students, visualized an event. Then we described the event using the five senses. Sarah would have us read our work aloud and them she would pick out the good sentences and help us unpack those sentences further. It was undeniably hard but amazing to see the product I once thought was impossible. For this reason I am proudest of my creative writing prices. Below are two examples of pieces I wrote in high school after during and after my experience with Sarah.
Example 1:
THE EXPERIENCE FELL SLIGHTLY SHORT OF MY EXPECTATIONS. NONETHELESS, I FOUND IT ENTERTAINING TO WATCH FAMILIES OF THE HIGHEST CALIBAR ENTERING THE MUSEUM AND MARVEL AT THE WORKS WITH INEXHAUSTIBLE ADMIRATION. OH, MADEMOISELLE REISZ, WHICH SUCH MISERY, I LONGED FOR THOSE PIECES TO BE MY PUBLICATIONS. THE HOURS WENT BY WITH AN UNFAMILIAR QUICKNESS AND I WHEN THE MUSEUM CLOSED AT FOUR O’CLOCK, I LOATHED THE ETHEREAL BEING THAT CREATED TIME.
~ During a class reading of the Awakening by Kate Chopin my English teacher told the students to take on the voice of the main character Edna Pontellier in a letter to any other character in the book. I like this piece because I adopted the character’s sophisticated diction and syntax well. I truly feel like I expressed Edna’s feelings in this piece. I expanded and developed the character’s longing for freedom, expressed her apprehensions and in this particular quotation vividly described her experience without breaking the tone.
Example 2:
While walking past Laconia Projects, in the direction of Tamara’s house, the girls smiled at the families running through the gushing water from the fire hydrant with the hopeless desire of cooling down. Some kids were having an out of school session in which they tested the theory of frying an egg on the sidewalk. At that every moment the thirty-two bus turned the corner and without thinking, Tamara grabbed Asia, who grabbed Shakira, thus igniting a chain reaction in which each girl grabbed another until there was no girl left to be grabbed and pulled them unto the bus.
~ This is the beginning of a college essay for John Hopkins University. The assignment was to describe what you would do and where you would go if you only had the money in your pocket. I began this essay during the tutorial sessions with Sarah. At first I was apprehensive about starting the essay because I lacked the ability to be creative. However, Sarah’s comments were fresh in my mind and so I pictured a regular day, unpacked the events and factored in my limitations. The voice used in this piece is simple and clear; my usual writing style.
I prefer to write about myself or analytically about a topic of which I am passionate about. I feel that if I know the subject well and it means a lot to me, then I will spend more time putting the write words on the page.
In our second essay for this class, I wrote about the brotherhood at Landon, the school I attended for 10 years, a place that I can call home. I was much more careful about the vocabulary I chose and the phrasing I used in that essay than I would have been if the subject were assigned to me because of my passion and love for my school.
Another example is first semester I did a research project on becoming an entrepreneur and had the opportunity to interview my dad and some of his close friends. Because of my respect for my dad and his friends I really enjoyed the process and spent more time on the project than I would have if it were a randomly assigned topic.
My strongest pieces of writing usually involve some form of creative writing. I am generally about to create a mood effectively using very descriptive language.
Example 1:
"The ground was moist from an early afternoon thunderstorm that had just given way to blazing sunshine. In the background there were banana trees, lime trees, a water hose, the remnants of an old fire, where only ashes remained, and my grandmother’s laundry sink. The sink was wet. Maybe my grandmother had done the laundry early that morning; maybe it was rain water from the earlier thunderstorm."
These images cleary describe the scene and make the reader feel as if they are in fact witnessing all that is going on.
Example 2:
"It's partly fear of forgetting and partly desire to know more than what I remember. Sometimes I am not quite sure what is real and what I have imagined."
This phrase is quite powerful in my essay. It describes the feeling of ambiguity and uncertainty that exists and effectively conveys that feeling to the reader.
Context for example one: In my writing seminar last semester, we read The Day of the Locust, a novella by Nathaniel West. It is about the morally bankrupt culture of Hollywood, CA in the 1930s. This is the start of the introduction (doesn't include thesis) from an essay of mine about that book.
Example One: "Unlike most of the dreamers who make their way to Hollywood, Tod Hackett does not come to California to die. Instead, he comes to study the mysterious land that drew in so many people hoping to attain stardom, and use their stories of failure and misery to paint his masterpiece, “The Burning of Los Angeles.” Through all of this, Tod is to stay an impartial observer. However, he does not. Tod is drawn in to the corrupt society in Hollywood, and by the novel’s end he has become part of what “The Burning of Los Angeles” is trying to depict."
I chose this because writing introductions to papers and creating good lead-ins to theses is usually very difficult for me. The opening line is a play on one of the books famous lines about citizens of Hollywood coming there "to die." This language of death helps to create the morbid tone that is present throughout the novel. It was also important to include some language about the main character, Tod Hackett's artistry. I thought that this was a good lead-in to the essay about the demise of the novel's main character.
Example Two Context: This is from a body paragraph in an essay about three stories from Charles Baudelaire's Paris Spleen, a collection of short stories.
Example two: Though the man in the forest and the cigar-smoker take extreme measures to satisfy their boredom, neither does it in a direct act of cruelty directed toward another person. This is not at all the case with the narrator.
I think that this selection did a good job of creating a strong contrast between the responses to extreme boredom of three different people (although it may be a little difficult to see that without having some of the quotes from the story that surrounded this piece). It led into a quote from the story that was used effectively. I think that this illustrates my analytical style which I believe I use effectively.
I prefer to write stories about how I am personally affected by a certain topic, because I am able to put my emotions and true feelings into my writing. I also enjoy analyzing fictional stories or illustrations in fictional stories. In fiction stories, my personal opinions can not be wrong, I can just write fluidly about my interpretations. I feel that my strongest writing comes when I can fluidly write what is on my mind with out having to think into too much detail.
Last semester, my freshman writing class asked that we interpret an illustration from a comic book. My teacher had actually told me that he had learned from my analysis. This was probably because I wrote whatever I saw and backed it up with logical reasoning and a few predictions.
This semester we wrote about how either a space or a place has influenced our lives. In this paper, I can write without hesitation because it was about my personal feelings and experiences. If I have to stop to research a topic, my writing becomes choppy and uninteresting. When I write fluidly, my writing is much stronger and interesting because it is more fun to read. When I know what to write about right when the topic is presented to me, I will write a worthwhile paper.
I generally prefer to write analytical papers. The information is much more straightforward and easier to convey to the reader. I especially enjoy writing analytical papers if they are about a topic I am passionate about or have thoroughly researched and have a strong understanding of. The pieces I look back on from high school and am proud of were personal analysis of topics I enjoyed. One of my favorite papers I wrote in the 10th grade was an analysis of prep school fashion. Because I was so interested in the topic the paper took about an hour to write, but was one of the better pieces I have produced. Another paper I truly enjoyed writing was a historically based analysis about China’s position in the world today. This paper required a month of researching, but once I was completely familiar with the topic, writing the paper was easy. Unfortunately, both papers are on a different hard-drive, but in my managerial communications class from last semester I produced several analytical pieces that I am proud of. This is an excerpt from an analysis of the Berkshire Hathaway Corporation “Since its purchase by current CEO, Warren Buffett, over forty years ago, Berkshire Hathaway has become one of the best investments in the stock market. Berkshire demonstrates its dominance in the market through high returns to investors, incredible financial stability, and steady expansion. These characteristics are all evidence that Berkshire Hathaway would be a sound and fruitful investment for the Jameson Foundation, matching up well with the Foundation’s objectives.” In managerial communication writing is very straightforward and direct, which makes pieces easier to understand. Also, there is no need to be creative, the key is to use effective language. The language is also very formal, but good for getting the ideas across in a business plan.
In the same class I had to create a plan for a restaurant and describe it to a potential investor. “Cuisine would be the ultimate expression of Lux’s goals as a restaurant and it would embody luxury, exoticism, and glamour. The objective of the Lux restaurant is to become recognized throughout the world as a leader of haute cuisine through innovation and culinary exploration.” This paper was fun to write because I was able to create a concept and sell the idea. The language I used in this paper is direct, but I also had to focus words that would sell the idea to an investor.
One of my language choices of which I am particularly proud is my choice of syntax: I vary the use of long sentences and short sentences. I try to produce a clear, powerful, well-written paper. To bring the reader’s attention back to the paper (some readers may feel bored if too many sentences are lengthy), I punctuate my paper with a short sentence that makes an important point. For example, I may highlight a deviation from what I’ve previously stated with a concise statement. In a paper in my First-Year Writing Seminar, I wrote, “These funds are conditional, however.” This sentence serves to lead into another part of the argument I make in that paper.
I also like to summarize an argument I have made to further strengthen my point. In one paper, I quote an author and analyze the quotation. At the end I put into words in one sentence what I have interpreted. I write, “In essence, white culture de-legitimizes Chicanas by transforming their mentalities, their lifestyles, even their features.” When analyzing texts, for instance, I always strive to convey to the reader a descriptive image of what I am thinking.
I find that I bring out my best work when it is creative writing. I find it boring to spit right back out facts that you just learned from a text on to a piece of paper. When I write I want there to be a greater meaning behind it. Take for example my recent essay for this freshman writing seminar
“ The tire shop means a lot to me and I know I am the person you see before me because of it. Even now as the vacant place has turned into a meat market and back into a vacant place. Every time I walk by, I stop and stare. However, I don’t see what any random stranger sees, which is a rundown place. I see the greatest days and events of my childhood unfolding right in front of me.”
I try to incorporate a lot of meaning into each sentence so the reader may know my true feelings. Reading textbook style writing is boring because it is all facts. There is nothing in depth about what is written.
In my writing I also like to be descriptive so the reader may see exactly what I am seeing, feel what I am feeling, and smell what I am smelling. It is a great way to engage the reader. It is important to use diction that is really descriptive instead of general. Instead of saying, “As I walked in, I smelled an odor in the room” I would say, “As I gracefully walked in to the warm room, a sweet aroma captivated my attention.”
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